Monday, July 8, 2013
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love
anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart
to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies
and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the
casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark,
motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will
become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to
tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only
place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the
dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.
"What Is Love" was the final single from En Vogue's second album, Funky Divas. The song was not released commercially, but was instead shipped to dance clubs across the United States. "What Is Love" reached the Top 10 of the US dance charts. The song appeared again in 1993 as part of the group's Runaway Love EP.
This was the only song En Vogue produced for market featuring Maxine Jones and Cindy Herron sharing lead vocals. It was initially to be included on Remix to Sing as a new song, but missed the production deadline and was added to Funky Divas.
This was the only song En Vogue produced for market featuring Maxine Jones and Cindy Herron sharing lead vocals. It was initially to be included on Remix to Sing as a new song, but missed the production deadline and was added to Funky Divas.
Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness.
To the Jewish mind, it isn't unexpected at all. What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.
Love is a Choice
If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen ― you can make it happen. Love is active. You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person (and everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you'll love easily.
I was once at an intimate concert in which the performer, a deeply spiritual person, gazed warmly at his audience and said, "I want you to know, I love you all." I smiled tolerantly and thought, "Sure." Looking back, though, I realize my cynicism was misplaced. This man naturally saw the good in others, and our being there said enough about us that he could love us. Judaism actually idealizes this universal, unconditional love.
Obviously, there's a huge distance from here to the far more profound, personal love developed over the years, especially in marriage. But seeing goodness is the beginning.
Susan was a bit dubious. "Mom," she said hesitantly, "I really appreciate your feelings, but, in all honesty, how can you say you love someone you've never met?"
"We're choosing to love him," her mother explained, "because love is a choice."
There's no better wisdom Susan's mother could have imparted to her before marriage. By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone.
Actions Affect Feelings
Now that you're feeling so warmly toward the entire human race, how can you deepen your love for someone? The way God created us, actions affect our feelings most. For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving tzedaka (charity) will get you there. Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving ― and that means giving.
While most people believe love leads to giving, the truth (as Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes in his famous discourse on loving kindness) is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love.
What is giving? When an enthusiastic handyman happily announces to his non- mechanically inclined wife, "Honey, wait till you see what I got you for your birthday ― a triple-decker toolbox!" that's not giving. Neither is a father's forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso.
True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements. The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth. The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs). The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is."
These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.
Opening Yourself to Others
The effect of genuine, other-oriented giving is profound. It allows you into another person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness. At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself.
Because deep, intimate love emanates from knowledge and giving, it comes not overnight but over time ― which nearly always means after marriage. The intensity many couples feel before marrying is usually great affection boosted by commonality, chemistry, and anticipation. These may be the seeds of love, but they have yet to sprout. On the wedding day, emotions run high, but true love should be at its lowest, because it will hopefully always be growing, as husband and wife give more and more to each other.
A woman I know once explained why she's been happily married for 25 years. "A relationship has its ups and downs," she told me. "The downs can be really low ― and when you're in one, you have three choices: Leave, stay in a loveless marriage, or choose to love your spouse."
Dr. Jill Murray (author of But I Love Him: Protecting Your Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships) writes that if someone mistreats you while professing to love you, remember: "Love is a behavior." A relationship thrives when partners are committed to behaving lovingly through continual, unconditional giving ― not only saying, "I love you," but showing it.
Love is the result of appreciating another's goodness.The word "goodness" may surprise you. After all, most love stories don't feature a couple enraptured with each other's ethics. ("I'm captivated by your values!" he told her passionately. "And I've never met a man with such morals!" she cooed.) But in her study of real-life successful marriages (The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts), Judith Wallerstein reports that "the value these couples placed on the partner's moral qualities was an unexpected finding."
To the Jewish mind, it isn't unexpected at all. What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.
Love is a Choice
If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen ― you can make it happen. Love is active. You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person (and everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you'll love easily.
I was once at an intimate concert in which the performer, a deeply spiritual person, gazed warmly at his audience and said, "I want you to know, I love you all." I smiled tolerantly and thought, "Sure." Looking back, though, I realize my cynicism was misplaced. This man naturally saw the good in others, and our being there said enough about us that he could love us. Judaism actually idealizes this universal, unconditional love.
Obviously, there's a huge distance from here to the far more profound, personal love developed over the years, especially in marriage. But seeing goodness is the beginning.
By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone.Susan learned about this foundation of love after becoming engaged to David. When she called her parents to tell them the good news, they were elated. At the end of the conversation, her mother said, "Darling, I want you to know we love you, and we love David."
Susan was a bit dubious. "Mom," she said hesitantly, "I really appreciate your feelings, but, in all honesty, how can you say you love someone you've never met?"
"We're choosing to love him," her mother explained, "because love is a choice."
There's no better wisdom Susan's mother could have imparted to her before marriage. By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone.
Actions Affect Feelings
Now that you're feeling so warmly toward the entire human race, how can you deepen your love for someone? The way God created us, actions affect our feelings most. For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving tzedaka (charity) will get you there. Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving ― and that means giving.
While most people believe love leads to giving, the truth (as Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes in his famous discourse on loving kindness) is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love.
What is giving? When an enthusiastic handyman happily announces to his non- mechanically inclined wife, "Honey, wait till you see what I got you for your birthday ― a triple-decker toolbox!" that's not giving. Neither is a father's forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso.
True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements. The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth. The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs). The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is."
These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.
Opening Yourself to Others
The effect of genuine, other-oriented giving is profound. It allows you into another person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness. At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself.
The more you give, the more you love.Many years ago, I met a woman whom I found very unpleasant. So I decided to try out the "giving leads to love" theory. One day I invited her for dinner. A few days later I offered to help her with a personal problem. On another occasion I read something she'd written and offered feedback and praise. Today we have a warm relationship. The more you give, the more you love. This is why your parents (who've given you more than you'll ever know) undoubtedly love you more than you love them, and you, in turn, will love your own children more than they'll love you.
Because deep, intimate love emanates from knowledge and giving, it comes not overnight but over time ― which nearly always means after marriage. The intensity many couples feel before marrying is usually great affection boosted by commonality, chemistry, and anticipation. These may be the seeds of love, but they have yet to sprout. On the wedding day, emotions run high, but true love should be at its lowest, because it will hopefully always be growing, as husband and wife give more and more to each other.
A woman I know once explained why she's been happily married for 25 years. "A relationship has its ups and downs," she told me. "The downs can be really low ― and when you're in one, you have three choices: Leave, stay in a loveless marriage, or choose to love your spouse."
Dr. Jill Murray (author of But I Love Him: Protecting Your Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships) writes that if someone mistreats you while professing to love you, remember: "Love is a behavior." A relationship thrives when partners are committed to behaving lovingly through continual, unconditional giving ― not only saying, "I love you," but showing it.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/25-things-you-should-know-about-love
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/25-things-you-should-know-about-love
## It is possible to love someone who doesn’t love you back.
It’s not a full love, it doesn’t have a whole lot of depth, but it’s still
there.
##People always say that you have to love yourself before
anyone else can love you but that’s not really true. You can be loved even if
you hate yourself. It’s just not going to be healthy. It’s not going to be the best
kind of love.
##Falling in love is nature’s drug and you can OD on
it.
##Emotionally OD. Not, like, actual death. Ew.
##It’s so painful to have loved someone once and then never
again. Sometimes you’ll wish it never happened just so you didn’t know how good
it felt.
##Then you remember that quote “It’s better to have loved and
lost than to have ever loved at all” and you’re like, “okay, fine.”
##You will never love someone quite the same way you do the
first time.
##In most cases, this is a good thing. The first time is
fucking insane.
##It’s a beautiful moment when you realize you are someone
who’s worth loving.
##And it’s an even harder moment when you temporarily forget
it.
##Sex doesn’t always bring people closer. Sometimes it just
exposes the weaknesses in the relationship.
##That being said, a relationship can survive on good sex for
a disturbing amount of time.
##Someone you love will betray you. You can’t go through this
life without it.
##You can’t force yourself to love someone. If it’s not there,
it’s not going to happen. Ever.
##Everyone is an idiot when it comes to matters of the heart.
Love is the great equalizer. Whenever you feel intimidated by someone’s
coolness, just imagine them sobbing in their bedroom after someone broke their
heart. I guarantee it’s happened.
##Love doesn’t always feel like brain orgasms. Sometimes it
feels the best when it’s at its most subtle, like when it’s 3 p.m. on a Sunday
and you’re reading a book with your feet entangled with someone else’s on the
couch. You look around you for a second and realize that you’ve never felt
safer. Ironically, it’s the quieter moments that will leave the most indelible
mark.
##Everyone wants to
be loved. Everyone wants to rely on someone. For a lot of people, it’s
their Achilles heel. Love is the reason why they made most of their mistakes.
##At its best, love can feel better than heroin. At its worst,
it can feel like heroin withdrawal.
##I’ve never done heroin though so this is purely speculation.
##Finding love is the unconscious motivator for a lot of the
things we do. It’s why we work out, it’s why we go to a bar on a Saturday night
when we really don’t want to, it’s why we agree to meet strangers off the
internet.
##Don’t be embarrassed if you’ve never been in love before.
You have a ton of company.
##When you fall in love with someone, be prepared for the
possibility that you might hate them one day.
##You will always have that one
ex who will stick in your mind. They’ll feel like a perpetual dull ache in
your side.
##Love will make you into the best and worst version of
yourself, often in the same night.
##Love is the reason why we’re all here. Well, most of us
anyway. 
You should follow Thought Catalog on Twitter here.
Monday, May 13, 2013
It may be easy to look around our world today and
see the appearance of chaos, difficulty and strife. Yet, when we come
from an open heart, we can also see our opportunity to love all things into
balance, joy, harmony and peace. This planet does not need more visions
of desperation, fear, doubt and hate - it requires an abundance of love,
especially unconditional love, to heal and restore the beauty contained in
every moment. This becomes the easier path once we take the first step
and begin to share our love.
When we bring unconditional love back into our
personal, professional, community and family lives, we begin the journey of
restoring wholeness and happiness to our planetary adventure. Of course
it takes determined effort on our part as the old ways of being are quick to
return in our mind. However, this effort to love is rewarded with a new
perspective on everything and all life benefits as a result.
Here at The Love Foundation, whether through Global
Love Day each May 1st, our annual Art, Essay and Poetry Invitational, the Love
Ambassador designations, and our newest programs, Love Begins With Me film
project and All Nations Love/America Loves, each of these opportunities are
simply ways to keep the understanding of love fresh in our collective hearts
and minds.
Over thirteen years ago we started this nonprofit
organization as a way to inspire and remind people of the simple power of
loving unconditionally. In just these few years, we have witnessed a
growing worldwide momentum embracing this opportunity to bring the awareness of
unconditional love back into our daily lives.
We look forward to expanding this dialogue and
welcome you to walk this journey of unconditional love in your part of the
world.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
The Cow Loves Cookies
The horse loves hay, the chickens need feed, the geese munch
on corn, the hogs devour slop, the dog eats treats, but THE COW LOVES COOKIES?
A twist on the ordinary barnyard picture book, the latest read-aloud from bestselling author Karma Wilson is a clever entry into an curious incident on the farm. As the farmer makes his rounds each day, most of the animals chew on the foods a young reader would expect. But when it's time to feed the cow, she feasts on a special treat! Wilson's signature style and Marcellus Hall's spirited watercolors will delight children on and off the farm--because when it comes down to it, who doesn't love milk and cookies?
A twist on the ordinary barnyard picture book, the latest read-aloud from bestselling author Karma Wilson is a clever entry into an curious incident on the farm. As the farmer makes his rounds each day, most of the animals chew on the foods a young reader would expect. But when it's time to feed the cow, she feasts on a special treat! Wilson's signature style and Marcellus Hall's spirited watercolors will delight children on and off the farm--because when it comes down to it, who doesn't love milk and cookies?
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Discover new books on Goodreads
Meet your next favorite book:
Sign in with FacebookPopular Love Books
Popular Love Books
(showing
1-50
of
34,579)
Twilight (Twilight, #1)
by Stephenie Meyer (shelved 269 times as love)
avg rating 3.58 — 1,830,550 ratings — published 2005
The Hunger Games (The Hunger Games #1)
by Suzanne Collins (shelved 242 times as love)
avg rating 4.45 — 1,840,502 ratings — published 2008
New Moon (Twilight, #2)
by Stephenie Meyer (shelved 199 times as love)
avg rating 3.58 — 841,243 ratings — published 2006
Eclipse (Twilight, #3)
by Stephenie Meyer (shelved 192 times as love)
avg rating 3.76 — 821,720 ratings — published 2007
Breaking Dawn (Twilight, #4)
by Stephenie Meyer (shelved 191 times as love)
avg rating 3.75 — 798,901 ratings — published 2008
Pride and Prejudice (Paperback)
by Jane Austen (shelved 189 times as love)
avg rating 4.23 — 1,158,177 ratings — published 1813
The Fault in Our Stars (Hardcover)
by John Green (Goodreads Author) (shelved 176 times as love)
avg rating 4.53 — 411,862 ratings — published 2012
Catching Fire (The Hunger Games, #2)
by Suzanne Collins (shelved 170 times as love)
avg rating 4.31 — 1,051,773 ratings — published 2009
The Time Traveler's Wife (Paperback)
by Audrey Niffenegger (Goodreads Author) (shelved 168 times as love)
avg rating 3.90 — 924,887 ratings — published 2003
The Notebook (Hardcover)
by Nicholas Sparks (Goodreads Author) (shelved 156 times as love)
avg rating 3.96 — 738,576 ratings — published 1996
Romeo and Juliet (Mass Market Paperback)
by William Shakespeare (shelved 155 times as love)
avg rating 3.72 — 1,027,609 ratings — published 1595
Mockingjay (The Hunger Games, #3)
by Suzanne Collins (shelved 149 times as love)
avg rating 4.03 — 983,572 ratings — published 2010
Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, #1)
by E.L. James (Goodreads Author) (shelved 131 times as love)
avg rating 3.61 — 642,539 ratings — published 2011
Divergent (Divergent, #1)
by Veronica Roth (Goodreads Author) (shelved 118 times as love)
avg rating 4.40 — 188,914 ratings — published 2011
Beautiful Disaster (Beautiful, #1)
by Jamie McGuire (shelved 112 times as love)
avg rating 4.25 — 198,543 ratings — published 2011
A Walk to Remember (Paperback)
by Nicholas Sparks (Goodreads Author) (shelved 108 times as love)
avg rating 4.06 — 290,043 ratings — published 1999
The Last Song (Hardcover)
by Nicholas Sparks (Goodreads Author) (shelved 105 times as love)
avg rating 4.11 — 233,295 ratings — published 2009
Perfect Chemistry (Perfect Chemistry, #1)
by Simone Elkeles (shelved 104 times as love)
avg rating 4.16 — 142,867 ratings — published 2008
Jane Eyre (Paperback)
by Charlotte Brontë (shelved 104 times as love)
avg rating 4.05 — 796,610 ratings — published 1847
Water for Elephants (Paperback)
by Sara Gruen (shelved 104 times as love)
avg rating 4.05 — 833,774 ratings — published 2006
Dear John (Hardcover)
by Nicholas Sparks (Goodreads Author) (shelved 103 times as love)
avg rating 3.93 — 240,303 ratings — published 2006
The Host (The Host, #1)
by Stephenie Meyer (shelved 103 times as love)
avg rating 3.86 — 486,873 ratings — published 2008
Delirium (Delirium, #1)
by Lauren Oliver (Goodreads Author) (shelved 102 times as love)
avg rating 4.11 — 78,067 ratings — published 2011
Fifty Shades Darker (Fifty Shades, #2)
by E.L. James (Goodreads Author) (shelved 99 times as love)
avg rating 3.95 — 330,339 ratings — published 2011
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7)
by J.K. Rowling (shelved 98 times as love)
avg rating 4.55 — 1,014,382 ratings — published 2007
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